neonvm-controller: Use virtio-mem when status.memoryProvider is nil

[sharnoff]

Part of #1060. Before we stop setting status.memoryProvider, we need to make sure that an empty status.memoryProvider is interpreted as virtio-mem.

We could do that everywhere status.memoryProvider is used, but it's probably just easier to do it at top, replacing our handling that originally set DIMM slots by default.

[github-actions[bot]]

Merging this branch will not change overall coverage

Impacted Packages	Coverage Δ	:robot:
github.com/neondatabase/autoscaling/pkg/neonvm/controllers	11.51% (ø)

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Coverage by file

### Changed files (no unit tests) | Changed File | Coverage Δ | Total | Covered | Missed | :robot: | |--------------|------------|-------|---------|--------|---------| | github.com/neondatabase/autoscaling/pkg/neonvm/controllers/vm_controller.go | 25.23% (ø) | 662 | 167 | 495 | | _Please note that the "Total", "Covered", and "Missed" counts above refer to ***code statements*** instead of lines of code. The value in brackets refers to the test coverage of that file in the old version of the code._

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