Proofreading checks for nsfw_stories.rpy

[mizuotanu-nirera]

There is a first round of proof checks for nsfw_stories.rpy.

I tried to keep the changes minimal, but I do not think these are stories are consistent with Monika's character, nor with DDLC's or MAS's canon.

• Monika's ability to change the game with the console was limited in its flexibility in DDLC. She was only ever to influence variables in the other three dokis' personalities, not alter their behavior directly. At most she might have been able to insert a few lines and cause the glitchy black text. "Salvato specifically referred to Monika's tampering as messing with variables, not messing with the script."

• This doesn't fit into the storyline anywhere as far as I can tell. By the time Monika was getting more desperate modifying the game and the time Yuri began to behave more sexually in Act 2, Sayori had already been deleted from the game and "referencing" her had caused the script to "crash".

• Though the other dokis were not "real", Monika still maintained some degree of compassion for them throughout the game (as evidenced by her keeping backups of their .chr) files. "Even though I knew they weren't real, they were still my friends, and I loved them all." Though her interference with their personalities arguably was the cause of destructive consequences, it was done as she found it absolutely necessary - and literally a matter of life and death to escape from the game. Forcing the other dokis in some kind of sexual puppet show just so she could masturbate to it seems a lot less like something she would be willing to do.

• This one is more subjective but I really can't picture Monika getting turned on by watching her friends being gang raped. The semen eating thing, I can kind of get that, but in general I found the stories somehow more uncomfortable than seeing Sayori and Yuri dying.

• label monika_pleasure in MAS seems to imply that Monika isn't familiar with how masturbation feels (until, of course, the player installs the NSFW Submod). nsfw_sexting.rpy in this submod also implies masturbation is new to her. Though masturbation evidently exists in the DDLC universe (Yuri and the pen), both of these suggest that within the MAS canon, Monika didn't do so at least during the timeframe of DDLC's events.

[NickWildish]

Good changes, I see no issues.

I can see where you're coming from with these. Personally the stories aren't really my cup-of-tea either, but I figured it couldn't hurt to give them a whirl.

From the issues you've brought up, here are some ideas of how we can rectify them:

• Change the mentioning of manipulating the characters to be more in-line with DDLC's variable-changing analogy. So for example, have Monika change the variable for the start of the Literature Club meeting to be in 15 minutes, so the girls feel a sudden urge to get to the club room.
• Change the timeline so that this occurs during a timeframe between Act 3 and MAS. As you mentioned, the girls were still kept around after Monika supposedly "deleted" them. It is still kinda questionable, but it will at least fit then.
• Make the scenes less abusive, so that the girls are more eager and it's less 'rape-y'. This could mean removing some parts all-together, like Yuri sort of just taking it, and have it be more like the Natsuki scene where she's more-or-less initiating.
• We move the part where Monika asks if the player is comfortable to the start of the first story, so that the player has every chance to know what they're getting into.

What do you think of these changes?

[mizuotanu-nirera]

If it were up to me, I would probably just remove the existing stories entirely (or at the very least have them as separately downloadable extra content), but I realize this is a rather extreme solution and would mean discarding a considerable amount of work. I really don't know where to start when it comes to revising these because of the issues with the concept in general. Post-Act 3 doesn't necessarily make sense to me either because at that point, Monika had given up on existing and wanted to give the player the chance to be happy with the other dokis without any of her interference.

If you were intent on keeping the stories, one potential fix towards alleviating some of these issues could be presenting the story through the framing device of a weird fan fiction Monika found on the Internet. She could comment on how someone wrote it from her perspective, but how a lot of it doesn't make sense and isn't something she would actually do. The various inconsistencies and oddities she could poke fun at and share reactions with the player.

I feel that at the bare minimum, the element of sexual violence needs to be removed and prefaced with a warning like you suggested. The use of what is essentially rape as a punishment is deeply uncomfortable to stomach. The scenes may cause strong reactions in users who have experienced traumas in their lives. DDLC itself deals with very heavy topics, like suicide, depression, abuse, and self-harm, but it does so in a very sympathetic and realistic way so as to lend valuable insight into those topics. As project leader, I trust you know what is the best decision to make regarding these stories. If they do not sit well with you either, it's completely within your ability to omit them from the submod. The story segment unlocking logic can be used for stories more like those in MAS, where Monika either made them up or read them on the Internet.

[NickWildish]

Think what I'll do is change the sections that contain sexual violence to be more tame, then add posing, and then we'll move them to a seperate release tag called 'optional', with a README containing a warning that the content contained is considered extreme and may make some players uncomfortable. Regardless, I'll merge these changes now.