[DAY 1] Trevoke's Demo Discussion

[ghost]

Day 1 | Trevoke's Demo Discussion

As posted here...

I have gone through each demo and I have a lot to bring up, but I have been busy with work over the weekend. I'll take the initiative (unless someone else would like to), and this will be our task for the rest of the week, ending on Saturday the 27th.

We will set one day of this week to discuss a single persons map each for every demo area. Everyone should explore the map on the day of, and use it for referencing back to. If you do not have a local server running connect to the live server at luna.devrw.com:8669. The focus will lie solely on that persons' map all day. We can discuss their style, voice, etc. etc.

After we spend the 4 days on each map, we will have a round-table discussion where we will compare and contrast all of the maps. At this point, we will spend the rest of the following week (hopefully less) finalizing rules regarding the overall writing style this game will have. We will come to agreement on an overall tone and other miscellaneous quirks.

Once that discussion closes, I will compile and properly document our final plan, and add it to the repo for everyone to reference, and newcomers to have a clear plan-of-action regarding how the game will be written.

TUESDAY: Discuss Trevoke's demo area. WEDNESDAY: Discuss piggy's demo area. THURSDAY: Discuss DevRW's demo area. FRIDAY: Discuss Blecki's demo area. SATURDAY: Group discussion for all demo areas. SUNDAY - SATURDAY[?]: Finalization discussion for over-all game. ETA: Completed plan posted to repo.

I will open an issue each day and all discussion will go in there.

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Everyone should participate in these threads as whatever follows will result in how we shape our game. Please limit the discussion to only Trevoke's areas. Stay on topic. This is for writing styles focusing on descriptions, word-use, prose, and how they build their world. This is not for game-play or anything code-related.

You can access the maps for in-game exploration at luna.devrw.com:8669, or run your own local copy.

This topic will be closed tomorrow at midnight.

[ghost]

I'd like to start off, but I need to sleep soon. I'll be back to join in at normal hours. Please remember to be polite; this is a discussion, not an attack on someones writing ability.

[ghost]

I'll lead off.

Right off the bat, I like the sense of loneliness in the text. The washing away of your footprints on the shore, the shack "waiting to be noticed," sort of like the area itself is lonely, not just your character. It's continued nicely inside the lighthouse, with no strong evidence of people having been there recently, and the boarded up windows. To me, it makes a lot of sense. A lighthouse would be a lonely place, especially these days as they're generally regarded as quaint maritime photo opportunities, even if many are still in use.

To convey a sense of loneliness in the world right away like that could be an important defining aspect for the game world, especially when players can contrast it with a bustling city later on.

All in all, I like the overall feeling of solitude. I thought that using nautical terms on the boat was a nice touch, as well. Tiny things like that help paint a picture and push a little authenticity.

[ghost]

I would agree, the sense of loneliness conveyed is nice. It really sets a gloomy mood for the atmosphere. Though I am saving this for the group discussion, because it intertwines with gameplay a bit, I feel like you refer back to the player quite a bit in descriptions. I feel like this should be avoided, because you can never assume the player is there (they could be looking in, or sitting when you describe them standing, etc. etc.).

Something I really enjoyed was how you gave 'life' to inanimate objects. By that, I mean their descriptions often contained phrases that made them seem like they had a free will. Pretty sure there is a literary term for it, but I honestly am not recalling it at the moment. Tip of my tongue...

The areas are well-researched for the most part, which I find very important. Using nautical terms on the ship, using specific terms in the lighthouse, and so forth. These are especially integral when we're focusing on a modern-day world, not set in some fantastical/sci-fi realm.

Another thing that's partially game-play, I feel like the areas do not provide adequate directions. The writing seems to rely heavily on the 'Obvious exits ' prompt, or has ambiguous directions within the writing itself (on the ship for example: it says the stairs are down, but you have to go west). Again, this ties into game play partially so I don't want to focus too much, but it's also a writing style. This will be covered more in the group discussion.

The object/scenery descriptions were easy to find and gave a much deeper look into each area, I liked how nothing was a single line quickie. Everything had some real thought put into it, which really sells the immersion aspect, in my opinion.

[ghost]

@DevRW I think the term you were looking for was 'anthropomorphism.'

[Blecki]

I'm wary to say much at all because what @Trevoke 's area needs is an editor, and really nothing more. Issues are either minor, or imposed by the immature server hosting it. It feels more like a piece of interactive fiction than a mud.. but that comes with it's own issues.

I was immediately put off by the repetition of the word 'seems' in the description of the shoreline. I don't want to be told how things seem; I want them to seem that way. I see a boat that seems to be fighting the waves. So it's not fighting the waves? I see writing that seems to be weakened by the phrase seems to be.

Other parts speak to the mindset of the player character, which is welcome in interactive fiction but best avoided here. The view from the top of the lighthouse is breathtaking. I know this because I was told so, but how does the author know what my character finds breathtaking?

There is plenty of scenery, in a finished area I'd like to see this level of scenery detail plus a little more. Some engine issues get in the way. There's no easy way, at this point, to create lots of little scenery objects that can be fiddled with but serve no purpose, so nothing here is actually interactive. It has hints though that @Trevoke wanted it to be, and would have made it so if he could, in the small detail objects scattered around.

Other details seem misplaced. The lighthouse casts it's shadow behind me, but in an environment with no concept of facing that's quite odd. The lighthouse is to the east, does that mean I am always facing west?

And then DevRW shut down the server.

Overall, I like it. The atmosphere is fantastic. My quibbles are all about style and not substance.

[Trevoke]

Late to the party (only about an hour of personal computer time yesterday betwen everything I needed to do), but it's ok because this was my area :)

I liked the overal effect I was able to render. it took me about 2h30 to write what I did, which made me realize I need to practice writing a lot more (all of @Blecki's comments are dead-on, I'm not a very good writer yet). There were lots of issues with directions and exits. I wasn't sure how to describe the exits and make them fit into the conversation.

There is another point here: I wanted to make the exits: "boat", "lighthouse", "bluff", etc, instead of cardinal directions.

On Wed, Sep 24, 2014 at 1:43 AM, Rob notifications@github.com wrote:

Closed #51 https://github.com/Reddit-Mud/RMUD/issues/51.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub https://github.com/Reddit-Mud/RMUD/issues/51#event-169419465.

[Blecki]

Your writing is good. The first draft of anything is shit, so, don't beat yourself up.