Morgan:
I have no idea what to do with the suitcase. What's the point?
The music is inappropriate, like something out of a Michael Bay movie
The sequence of events feels random, very janky
I cant tell if the game ended after I discovered the body?
This place is not a house, what is it, where am I
The writing and written assets are in very poor form, informal, chummy---not the language of the exorcist
The tone is inconsistent between the written assets and the theme
This project has a lot of great elements, in some cases really great but they are so poorly organised it makes me doubt that the student can make a meaningful story/experience out of this. This can all be resolved but I am flagging this as problematic on “cohesion”
I don't think it will take much to fix all of this but I need to know this student is clear about what they are trying to make: horror? funny/horror? Evil Dead style humor?
Renee:
Summary- having a hard time reading the text on this page, hoping the rest of the presentation isn’t like this. Background image is so textural and low resolution, it’s combatting your type.
Mysterious, Religions, Demonic, Devotion…
Tibetan Culture slide - way too disorganized in presentation of material, images are too small, what am I looking at? Reference images are poor. I’m leaving this page with hardly any info as to how tibetan culture is visually represented.
Mood Painting 1 - not sensing the “demonic” in this painting, mysterious sure but no clear details as to the presence of something other worldly
Animated asset - Why is one arm sleeve red and the other white?
Envrion Central Asset - layout of callouts is VERY CLUTTERED making it difficult to understand where and what they are pointing to on this page. I have no idea what the item is at the base of this shrine? Is this supposed to be a human form (if so it’s lacking major structure and definition to silhouette).
Prop styling is inconsistent. The first prop is a beautifully intricate incense holder I believe and then you have a tiki mask that looks like it’s straight out of a spongebob episode, too cartoony. I can’t make out several props because they blend in with your background. Place a gray rectangular strip behind props to allow for readability.
Mood Painting 2: WHAT is your player pointing at? Where are the effects that visually represent the demons in this game?
Mechanic Video - spelling errors and boring letter to player describing your setting. “The space is haunted”...Is there a sense of urgency to rid this location of the ghost reportings? …”Dear Exorcist, Welcome to Tibet”...first off I feel like i’m on vacation vs. being recruited to this location due to my unique and badass skills. You continue in your letter to say “the space is haunted”. What space, where the hell are we? I would try writing from a more desperate tone of voice to play into the intrigue and fear of your game. Also your summary and the letter written to your player at the start of your game contradict each other. This Buddha hall has a historic background of being haunted (a reason I could see visitors WANTING to come to see) but the letter is written as if visitors are just now complaining of a current problem of possession by ghosts? I’m lost...
Here’s an example of a more compelling letter to your player:
Dear Exorcist,
We thank you for coming so far to help us in this desperate time of need. Our once heavily frequented Buddha Hall has now been possessed by unwelcomed visitors and we fear we may lose all visitors. Please help us discover the origin of these demons so we can cleanse and restore peace to our sacred hall. May luck be with you!
I’m still trying to make sense of your narrative - if your player is an exorcist, why wouldn’t they be using their own methods to rid this location of demons?
Morgan: I have no idea what to do with the suitcase. What's the point? The music is inappropriate, like something out of a Michael Bay movie The sequence of events feels random, very janky I cant tell if the game ended after I discovered the body? This place is not a house, what is it, where am I The writing and written assets are in very poor form, informal, chummy---not the language of the exorcist The tone is inconsistent between the written assets and the theme
This project has a lot of great elements, in some cases really great but they are so poorly organised it makes me doubt that the student can make a meaningful story/experience out of this. This can all be resolved but I am flagging this as problematic on “cohesion” I don't think it will take much to fix all of this but I need to know this student is clear about what they are trying to make: horror? funny/horror? Evil Dead style humor?
Renee: Summary- having a hard time reading the text on this page, hoping the rest of the presentation isn’t like this. Background image is so textural and low resolution, it’s combatting your type. Mysterious, Religions, Demonic, Devotion… Tibetan Culture slide - way too disorganized in presentation of material, images are too small, what am I looking at? Reference images are poor. I’m leaving this page with hardly any info as to how tibetan culture is visually represented. Mood Painting 1 - not sensing the “demonic” in this painting, mysterious sure but no clear details as to the presence of something other worldly Animated asset - Why is one arm sleeve red and the other white? Envrion Central Asset - layout of callouts is VERY CLUTTERED making it difficult to understand where and what they are pointing to on this page. I have no idea what the item is at the base of this shrine? Is this supposed to be a human form (if so it’s lacking major structure and definition to silhouette). Prop styling is inconsistent. The first prop is a beautifully intricate incense holder I believe and then you have a tiki mask that looks like it’s straight out of a spongebob episode, too cartoony. I can’t make out several props because they blend in with your background. Place a gray rectangular strip behind props to allow for readability. Mood Painting 2: WHAT is your player pointing at? Where are the effects that visually represent the demons in this game? Mechanic Video - spelling errors and boring letter to player describing your setting. “The space is haunted”...Is there a sense of urgency to rid this location of the ghost reportings? …”Dear Exorcist, Welcome to Tibet”...first off I feel like i’m on vacation vs. being recruited to this location due to my unique and badass skills. You continue in your letter to say “the space is haunted”. What space, where the hell are we? I would try writing from a more desperate tone of voice to play into the intrigue and fear of your game. Also your summary and the letter written to your player at the start of your game contradict each other. This Buddha hall has a historic background of being haunted (a reason I could see visitors WANTING to come to see) but the letter is written as if visitors are just now complaining of a current problem of possession by ghosts? I’m lost...
Here’s an example of a more compelling letter to your player: Dear Exorcist,
We thank you for coming so far to help us in this desperate time of need. Our once heavily frequented Buddha Hall has now been possessed by unwelcomed visitors and we fear we may lose all visitors. Please help us discover the origin of these demons so we can cleanse and restore peace to our sacred hall. May luck be with you! I’m still trying to make sense of your narrative - if your player is an exorcist, why wouldn’t they be using their own methods to rid this location of demons?