[tools] Disable binary-only solvers in sanitizer builds

[jwnimmer-tri]

We cannot reasonably use binary-only GUROBI and MOSEK libraries in sanitizer builds, since they lack the sanitizer instrumentation. Sanitizers rely on building everything from source with their hooks.

Also drop them from Valgrind checks since they use complicated threading allocation tricks without any good debug instrumentation, which leads to frequent false positives that require effort to suppress; and anyway if there are leaks, there is nothing we can do to solve the problems anyway.

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This change is 

[jwnimmer-tri]

@drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-address-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-thread-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-undefined-behavior-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-valgrind-memcheck please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-everything-address-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-everything-leak-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-everything-thread-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-everything-undefined-behavior-sanitizer please @drake-jenkins-bot linux-jammy-clang-bazel-experimental-everything-valgrind-memcheck please

[jwnimmer-tri]

+@rpoyner-tri for feature review, please.