一条19级咸鱼的咸鱼生活

[Sherlock-White]

One hour ago, I was browsing online, and I opened this website by coincidence . I quickly found I have stared this respository for several weeks (maybe a month?) Actually,it was a cold and bleek Saturday morning, and I have to be taking the boring and tough lesson called 《DataStructure and Algorithm》. "我成绩一般科研一般，我该怎么规划未来" This word hits me. So I am here. Even though I am really poor in my English, especially in gramma and spealling, I do decide to write down my thoughts in English rather than Chinese. Github and many foreign sites give me this feeling that I long for getting used to those English words which needs to take efforts. I want to calm down and focus on this unfamiliar language. And most importantly, I won't be afraid to make mistakes here. ... My GPA is not high enough to support me to have a so-called bright future. Coding is an obstacle for me. Every boy in the team runs faster than me. No scholarship. No volunteer experience. Lack of money to take orienteering competitions. ... Several months ago, I don't know what I love and what can be called "my hobby". Now I have one. But life tells me that you must pay for it. Like buying goods needs to pay. Happiness needs as well. ... I don't know the answer of "how to live a not so-called successful life". But I am still trying to keep pace with my small desires, like making ends meet. A high GPA brings scholarships, and scholarships brings orienteering competitions, and orienteering competitions brings happiness. I am tired with involution. But life seems like a circle. I must to do what I don't like to catch the chance to do what I like.

[Sherlock-White]

We work hard for more choices, but once we have the right to choose, we lose the bravery to choose the ones that is not so-called sensible. We are limited by our achivements. We are limited by secular views. We are limited by ourselves.

[skyleaworlder]

local optima is not global optima.

[Sherlock-White]

ball ball friends do not follow me 球球朋友们别关注我哇呜呜 I AM JUST A VEGETABLE DOG 我就是个菜狗 社交恐惧已经裂了

[HOLLYwyh]

好家伙

[Sherlock-White]

feel really tired but still have the power to move on for some strange reasons

[Sherlock-White]

这会还在新概念武器的课上，写完了形策的论文，还有十五分钟下课 上周六考完六级了，说实话报名的时候确实没想到最后是啥都没准备就去考的） 对，然后我估计我这个菜狗水平十五分钟之内英文必写不完，就中文冲冲了（挺突然的） ？总感觉我写中文的表述和上面完全不一样啊 没办法 英文水平的真的不太行 限制发挥了（bushi） 突然想到了个啥呢，事情的起因是这样的，在这两三个月里面我认识了很多新朋友，很多【跑得又快成绩又好】的朋友 先是列表SJTU的学长直博了，然后是有一天发现新认识的朋友保研人大了，两位学的或是SE或是CS，再然后掂量掂量了我自己，可能是个努力考研还不一定能上岸的咸鱼，想到了这一点偶尔也会沮丧一下——但，因为不是非考研不可，所以沮丧“一下”之后也还好吧。 再加上还有一个研三的学长，我就问了问他们，“是为什么想要读研呢”。 答案嘛，就，对我来说还挺现实的。 快下课了，糟糕，写不完了。 前两天毕导更新视频了，毕导当年读博也有点被【学习成绩好就该读】这种东西绑着走了，然后我确实又想了想，读研这个事情之于我，必定与科研本身无关，虽然我还不知道我是不是适合搞科研，但这个念头的出发点必定不是科研，也必定不是代码。确实没尝试过就觉得不行是站不太住脚，但，我也不觉得我是那种读了研发现不合适就能果断下决定换条路走走的那种人，最多也就是无可奈何走到底罢了，这是我自己还挺讨厌的一点，但，也不是完全没法接受。 太远的东西看不到头，很正常啦，做好当下的事情就好了。 看着下一个比赛，心里想着，“哦，想参加，那必须把作业先赶一下”，在这种时候往往能够比“哦，还有一个周末，作业还不想写，再说吧”好很多——毕竟还多参加了个比赛不是吗？ 虽然对我的学习可能没有那么多少的帮助，但，我确实在做自己喜欢的事情，并且没有那么耽误我的学习——虽然也并没有那么促进我的学习。但我快乐嘛，所以，这周的项目冲冲呀！ 结果还是没在下课前写完，写代码去了（挠头）

[Sherlock-White]

Less complaints. Recently I always feel that my hard working is based on something from others, which sounds like peer pressure and somebody's expectations. When can I WORK FOR MYSELF, STUDY FOR MYSELF,and RUN FOR MYSELF?

[Sherlock-White]

Once I realized that GPA means nothing to me from now on, I feel really relaxed. I get nervous about instructions in English, ppts in English, assignments in English from time to time, but those things in English do push me to get used to the enviroment of software engernering. A bilibili uploader called Tim once said,"progress unlimitedly." And I am trying.

[Sherlock-White]

Since last comment, it has been one year for me to write something here again. Actually during these days, I've been busy with trying something I'm interested in and trying to figure out what I am really want to do. Now I would like to say I finally find it, and what I really want to try my best to do is to devote myself to "game". Whether just writing code for client or designing a game, that would make me excited. Thanks for miHoYo, everytime I saw their techniques I founld it really really cool, and oneday I wanna be an engineer like that and "save the world". GPA bothers me not any more. I know I still have so many things to learn. And "looking for a job" or "taking part in the postgraduate examination" was a tough decision once. But for me, choose one and learn more will never be a wrong choice.