0827 想说的话

[Wangmengguo]

人到 30 岁，解剖自己的心的想法越来越强烈。有种想要撕开自己的全部，狠狠批判一番，把自己肮脏的、龌龊的、发自内心的、不为人知的想法都放到大众面前批判一番。

这种想法未免有些自大，一定没有太多人在意你剖析的内容，也一定没有太多人能理解你剖析的目的。

我在单位有一个非常讨厌的女同事，她家境优越，成长轨迹不凡，为人自负，在领导面前伪装成听话的乖乖女，在同事面前则是另外一副傲慢的态度，当然尤其是对我这个顶头上司。

因为年龄相仿，所以很多事情都是商量的来，我自认没有过分压榨她，也自然谈不上关心她，但冲突仍然无法避免。或许她已经忘了，但我忘不了她大声的呵斥「我不干了，你让岑书记来和我说。」

如此傲慢，就像「对方」不配和她说话一般。

要知道这本就是她的工作职责。可正因为家境优越，所以她有恃无恐。

最近她提出离职，我的心情很复杂，有开心，有嫉妒，有不甘，也有释然。

其实，我也想过要离开，但看看自己 30 年的 70 万的房贷，也意识到必须努力赚钱，做一番事业，才有可能离开。

她的离开，对我也是一种警醒，原来人生是可以「退出」的，不是非得一直「进步」的。

和未来的自己约定，10 年赚够 70 万，确定人生的方向，然后开始新的生活。

[Wangmengguo]

Claude 3.5 Sonnent

Here's my English translation of the Chinese text, following the provided instructions:

At 30, urge to dissect my heart grows. Want to tear myself open, criticize harshly. Expose all dirty, sordid, innermost, unknown thoughts for public judgment. This seems arrogant. Few would care or understand the purpose. Have a detestable female colleague. Privileged background, remarkable upbringing. Arrogant. Acts obedient to leaders, haughty to coworkers, especially me, her direct superior. Similar age, so we discuss things. I'm not overly demanding, nor particularly caring. Conflicts still unavoidable. She may have forgotten, but I remember her shouting, "I quit. Let Secretary Cen talk to me." Such arrogance, as if I'm unworthy to speak with her. This is her job responsibility. But her privileged background makes her fearless. She's resigning. My feelings are mixed: happy, jealous, reluctant, relieved. I've considered leaving too. But my 30-year, 700,000 mortgage reminds me I must earn money, build a career to leave. Her departure warns me: life can be "exited", not just always "progressing". Promise my future self: Earn 700,000 in 10 years, find life direction, start anew.

[Wangmengguo]

ChatGPT 4o

Here's your translation:

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As I approach 30, the urge to dissect my own heart grows stronger. It feels like I want to tear myself open, harshly criticize everything, and expose my dirty, vile, innermost, and unknown thoughts to the public for judgment.

This idea is a bit arrogant. Surely, not many people care about what you’re analyzing, and even fewer understand your reasons for doing so.

There’s a female colleague at work whom I despise. She comes from a wealthy family, has had an extraordinary upbringing, and is arrogant. In front of the bosses, she pretends to be an obedient good girl, but with her colleagues, she has an entirely different, condescending attitude, especially towards me, her direct superior.

Since we are close in age, many things are open for discussion. I believe I haven't overburdened her, nor have I cared much for her, yet conflicts are unavoidable. Perhaps she’s forgotten, but I can’t forget her loud outburst: "I’m done with this. Let Secretary Cen talk to me."

Such arrogance, as if I’m not even worthy of speaking to her.

This is, after all, part of her job. But because of her privileged background, she acts fearlessly.

Recently, she submitted her resignation, and my feelings are complicated—there’s happiness, jealousy, resentment, and relief.

Honestly, I’ve thought about leaving too, but when I look at my 30-year mortgage of 700,000, I realize I need to keep working hard and achieve something before I can even think of leaving.

Her departure is a wake-up call for me—life can have an "exit" option; it doesn't always have to be about constant "progress."

I make a pact with my future self: Earn 700,000 in 10 years, figure out my life’s direction, and then start anew.