> 2) Abstract, Lines 34-36: " This document updates RFC8366, merging a
> number of extensions into the YANG. The RFC8995 voucher request is
> also merged into this document."
> 2a) It is not sufficiently clear what you mean with "merging"
> here. Likewise "into the YANG" is a bit too colloquial here. Presumably
> you want to say that you are updating a YANG data model that was
> previously defined, adding a number of extensions to it. Also, are you
> revising the data model (and expect previous versions of it to remain
> in use), or are you really intending to replace the old with the new?
> 2b) Likewise, you may want to clarify the relationship of this document
> with RFC 8366 and RFC 8995. Presumably this document is intended to
> update and replace RFC 8366; if that is the case, please state so. And
> what about RFC 8995? If you are redefining what was already defined
> there, do you need to update RFC 8995 as well (to remove it from
> there)? Why replicate what is already part of another RFC (even if in
> hindsight this might have been structure differently) instead of
> referencing it?
> 2c) Line 22: Will it be clear to the reader that "pledge" refers to a
> device? (The term is later introduced, of course, but might be
> expanded here to provide context for the uninitiated.)
mcr
commented
1 year ago