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写作：A story: Some flowers #32

Open carloscn opened 4 months ago

carloscn commented 4 months ago

A story: Some flowers

image

上周日，刚好这一天是小红的生日。小红邀请我到她的家来为她庆祝她的生日。在那一天，我早早的起床准备早早的出门，我打算去花店给小红买一束向日葵，小红以前的时候说她最喜欢向日葵了。我稍作打扮，挑选了一件红的毛衣，锁上门之后就出门前往花店。这个季节的向日葵的确是比较贵，不过为了给小红庆祝生日就算值得了。到了花店之后我毫不犹豫地买了一束花店老板刚打包好的向日葵。到了小红的家，小红和我打招呼热情的欢迎我的到来。她今天梳了一个丸子头型，穿了一件格子的新衣服。在她家的桌子上摆着她朋友送给她的礼物，还有一个不知道谁送的蛋糕，看起来很可口的样子。小红接过我手上的向日葵，并深深的闻了一下花的芳香，接着她把向日葵花放入到花瓶中。能看得出来，她非常喜欢我选的礼物。吃过午饭之后，小红突发奇想，她想把我买的向日葵画下来，并送给我。我很开心，我觉得这是一个非常有纪念意义的礼物。小红换了一件工作服避免弄脏新衣服，然后就开始认真的画起来。而我在她家开始玩手机来等她画完。两个小时很快就过去了，小红叫我看她的作品。我看到那幅画立在画板上面，和我买的花一样的大小。我赶紧夸赞小红的花艺精湛，然后带着这幅画就回家了。

carloscn commented 4 months ago

硬写

Last Sunday, was Xiaohong's birthday. Xiaohong had invited me to congratulate her birthday in her home before her birthday. That day, I got up early and prepared to go out early because I intended to buy a branch of sunflowers as her birthday gift, xiaohong ever said she likes sunflowers very much. I made up, then picked up a red sweater and locked the door then went to the flower store. The sunflower was so dear in this season, but it was valuable to buy it to Xiaohong for celebrating her birthday. When I entered the flower store, I bought a fresh brunch of sunflowers without any hesitation. Xiaohong greeted me warmly to welcome me as I arrived at her home. Today, she made a ball of hair and weared[^1] a new gingham dress. Some gifts from her friends were on her living room table, and a cake from an unknown sender was beside the gifts, it looked very delicious. Xiaohong took the sunflowers from my hand and smelled the accent of the flowers' fragrance deeply, then she put them in a bottle. I can feel that she likes my gift for her very much. After we had had lunch, Xiaohong suddenly wanted to draw down the flowers and gave me the picture she would draw as a gift for me. I was very glad to receive the commemorative gift. Xiaohong changed her new clothes to working clothes avoding making it dirty. She then started her work, while I played my phone on her sofa. Two hours passed quickly, and Xiaohong called for me to see her results. I saw the picture lifting on the drawing board. The size of her vivide drawing as the same as I bought. I took the picture home with me.

[^1]: wear的过去式 wore

carloscn commented 4 months ago

ChatGPT帮忙批改

批改

这篇作文讲述了给小红送生日礼物的温馨故事，整体流畅，但有些地方需要调整以提高语言的自然度和准确性。以下是按句子修改的建议：

原句 修改后的句子 修改原因
Last Sunday, was Xiaohong's birthday. Last Sunday was Xiaohong's birthday. 去掉逗号，因为主语和谓语之间不需要逗号。
Xiaohong had invited me to congratulate her birthday in her home before her birthday. Xiaohong had invited me to celebrate her birthday at her home before the day arrived. 用"celebrate her birthday"代替"congratulate her birthday"，更符合语境；"at her home"比"in her home"更自然；改为"before the day arrived"增加清晰度。
...I intended to buy a branch of sunflowers as her birthday gift, xiaohong ever said she likes sunflowers very much. ...I intended to buy a bunch of sunflowers as her birthday gift because Xiaohong had once said she really liked sunflowers. "Bunch"代替"branch"，因为买花通常用"bunch"；使用过去完成时表达过去的事；"Xiaohong"首字母大写保持一致性。
I made up, then picked up a red sweater and locked the door then went to the flower store. I put on some makeup, then grabbed a red sweater, locked the door, and went to the flower store. "Put on some makeup"比"I made up"表达更准确；"grabbed"更符合语境；增加"and"改善流畅度。
The sunflower was so dear in this season, but it was valuable to buy it to Xiaohong for celebrating her birthday. The sunflowers were quite expensive this season, but I felt it was worth it to buy them for Xiaohong to celebrate her birthday. "Sunflowers"使用复数；"quite expensive"常用语；"felt it was worth it"表达更自然。
When I entered the flower store, I bought a fresh brunch of sunflowers without any hesitation. Upon entering the flower store, I immediately bought a fresh bunch of sunflowers. "Upon entering"书面语；"immediately"简化表达；"bunch"而非"brunch"。
Today, she made a ball of hair and weared[^1] a new gingham dress. That day, she had her hair in a bun and wore a new gingham dress. 使用"That day"保持过去时一致性；"had her hair in a bun"更自然；修正"weared"为"wore"。
...and a cake from an unknown sender was beside the gifts, it looked very delicious. ...and beside the gifts was a cake from an unknown sender, which looked very delicious. 调整句子结构以提高流畅性；使用"which"连接句子。
Xiaohong greeted me warmly to welcome me as I arrived at her home. Xiaohong warmly greeted me as I arrived at her home. 简化和重组句子以提高自然度和流畅性。
Today, she made a ball of hair and weared[^1] a new gingham dress. That day, she had her hair in a bun and wore a new gingham dress. 修正动词时态和表达，使其更符合英语习惯。
Some gifts from her friends were on her living room table, and a cake from an unknown sender was beside the gifts, it looked very delicious. Some gifts from her friends were on the living room table, and beside them, a cake from an unknown sender looked very delicious. 提高句子连贯性和准确性。
Xiaohong took the sunflowers from my hand and smelled the accent of the flowers' fragrance deeply, then she put them in a bottle. Xiaohong took the sunflowers from my hand, deeply inhaled their fragrance, and then placed them in a vase. 调整句子结构和词汇选择，以更准确地传达动作。
I can feel that she likes my gift for her very much. I could tell she really liked my gift. 简化句子，使其更直接和流畅。
After we had had lunch, Xiaohong suddenly wanted to draw down the flowers and gave me the picture she would draw as a gift for me. After lunch, Xiaohong suddenly decided to draw the flowers and give me the drawing as a gift. 简化和重组句子结构，提高表达清晰度。
Xiaohong changed her new clothes to working clothes avoding making it dirty. Xiaohong changed into work clothes to avoid getting her new dress dirty. 修正语法错误和提高表述的清晰度。
She then started her work, while I played my phone on her sofa. She then began her work, while I played with my phone on her sofa. 纠正表达方式，使其更自然。
Two hours passed quickly, and Xiaohong called for me to see her results. Two hours flew by quickly, and then Xiaohong invited me to see her work. 使句子更具表现力并修正动作描述。
I saw the picture lifting on the drawing board. The size of her vivide drawing as the same as I bought. I saw the picture displayed on the easel, its vividness matching the sunflowers I had bought. 修正句子结构和词汇使用，提高描述的准确性和生动性。
I took the picture home with me. I brought the picture home with me. 轻微调整以提高自然度。

修改后的文章

Last Sunday was Xiaohong's birthday. She had invited me to celebrate her birthday at her home before the day arrived. I intended to buy a bunch of sunflowers as her birthday gift because Xiaohong had once said she really liked sunflowers. I put on some makeup, then grabbed a red sweater, locked the door, and went to the flower store. The sunflowers were quite expensive this season, but I felt it was worth it to buy them for Xiaohong to celebrate her birthday. Upon entering the flower store, I immediately bought a fresh bunch of sunflowers.

That day, she had her hair in a bun and wore a new gingham dress. Some gifts from her friends were on her living room table, and beside the gifts was a cake from an unknown sender, which looked very delicious. Xiaohong took the sunflowers from my hand, deeply inhaled the fragrance of the flowers, and then put them in a vase. I could tell she really liked my gift. After we had lunch, Xiaohong suddenly wanted to draw the flowers and offered to give me the drawing as a gift. I was thrilled to receive such a meaningful gift. To avoid getting her new dress dirty, Xiaohong changed into work clothes before starting her artwork, while I played on my phone on her sofa. Two hours flew by quickly, and Xiaohong called me over to see her work. I saw the vivid drawing mounted on the easel, its size matching the sunflowers I had bought. I took the picture home with me, cherishing this special gift from Xiaohong.

carloscn commented 4 months ago

ChatGPT

上周日，刚好这一天是小红的生日。小红邀请我到她的家来为她庆祝她的生日。在那一天，我早早的起床准备早早的出门，我打算去花店给小红买一束向日葵，小红以前的时候说她最喜欢向日葵了。我稍作打扮，挑选了一件红的毛衣，锁上门之后就出门前往花店。这个季节的向日葵的确是比较贵，不过为了给小红庆祝生日就算值得了。到了花店之后我毫不犹豫地买了一束花店老板刚打包好的向日葵。到了小红的家，小红和我打招呼热情的欢迎我的到来。她今天梳了一个丸子头型，穿了一件格子的新衣服。在她家的桌子上摆着她朋友送给她的礼物，还有一个不知道谁送的蛋糕，看起来很可口的样子。小红接过我手上的向日葵，并深深的闻了一下花的芳香，接着她把向日葵花放入到花瓶中。能看得出来，她非常喜欢我选的礼物。吃过午饭之后，小红突发奇想，她想把我买的向日葵画下来，并送给我。我很开心，我觉得这是一个非常有纪念意义的礼物。小红换了一件工作服避免弄脏新衣服，然后就开始认真的画起来。而我在她家开始玩手机来等她画完。两个小时很快就过去了，小红叫我看她的作品。我看到那幅画立在画板上面，和我买的花一样的大小。我赶紧夸赞小红的花艺精湛，然后带着这幅画就回家了。

Last Sunday coincided with Xiaohong's birthday. She had invited me to her home to celebrate. I got up early that day, intending to head out early to buy a bouquet of sunflowers for Xiaohong, as she had mentioned before that she loved sunflowers the most. After getting ready and choosing a red sweater, I locked the door and set off for the flower shop. Indeed, sunflowers were quite expensive this season, but it felt worth it to celebrate Xiaohong's birthday. Upon arriving at the flower shop, I immediately purchased a bouquet of sunflowers that the shop owner had just wrapped up. When I arrived at Xiaohong's home, she greeted me warmly. Today, she had styled her hair into a bun and wore a new checkered dress. Her friends' gifts were displayed on the table, along with a cake from an unknown sender that looked delicious. Xiaohong took the sunflowers from me and deeply inhaled the fragrance before placing them in a vase. It was clear she really liked the gift I chose. After lunch, Xiaohong had the whimsical idea to paint the sunflowers and give me the painting as a gift. I was delighted, feeling it was a very meaningful present. To avoid staining her new dress, Xiaohong changed into work clothes and then began to paint seriously, while I passed the time playing on my phone at her house. Two hours quickly passed, and Xiaohong invited me to see her work. I saw the painting on the easel, matching the size of the flowers I had bought. I praised Xiaohong's exquisite drawing skill, and then took the painting home with me.

carloscn commented 4 months ago

生词