carloscn
commented
4 months ago 硬写
上周六，天气非常的不错，晴空万里，天空中漂浮着几多云彩。小明邀请我去陪他跑步，虽然我最近有点累，但是因为这是小明第一次邀请我，我也勉强地接受了。小明曾经说他非常喜欢沙滩，所以我们约好在周六早上八点在城市边上的沙滩见面，而且那个时候还不算太热，刚好可以跑步。到了周六早上七点，我起的非常早，我简单的洗漱了一下，然后选择一个黑色的衬衫和白色的短裤，又从衣柜里面拿出一顶帽子，然后我就锁上我家的门前往沙滩了。等我到了沙滩，我看到小明已经在等我了，小明和我热情的打招呼。他今天穿了一件白色的衬衫和短裤，戴着一顶灰色和帽子，看起来很清爽的样子。寒暄了一阵之后，我们就开始跑步了。我们一边跑一边讨论了很多最近的热点新闻的话题。跑了大概半小时的时间，我们都觉得累了。刚好前面有一棵树，我们就打算在树荫下乘凉。小明坐在地上，但是我觉得沙滩会的我衣服粘上了沙子，所以我不打算坐下了。太阳渐渐升起来了，温度也逐步的升高。我们热的实在有点受不了。所以我提议可以在海滩边上踩踩水，这样会觉得凉快一些。小明很快就答应了，然后我们就脱了鞋子，光着脚跑向了海边。
Last Saturday, the weather was nice, with the sun shining brightly accompanied by a few clouds. Xiaoming had invited me to participate with him in jogging, though I felt a little tired recently, considering it was the first time Xiaoming had invited me, I had accepted constrainedly. We would arrange to meet at the beach along the city street, as Xiaoming had mentioned before he loved the sea and beach the most. Moreover, it wasn't acutely hot at that time for our jogging. On the Saturday at 7 o'clock, I got up early and put on some makeup. After picking a black T-shirt and a white shorts up, I locked my door and headed out to the beach. When I arrived at the beach, Xiaoming had been waiting for me. He then greeted me warmly. Xiaoming wore a white T-shirt and gray shorts. a gray hat was on his head, which looked very cool. After greeting for a while, we began to run along the beach. We talked about recent pieces of hot news while running. About half an hour later, we all felt a bit tired, so we intended to enjoy the cool under a tree behind us. Xiaoming sat on the ground in the tree's shadow, while I decided to stand for a while to avoid sands gluing my shorts. The sun rose gradually, and as temperatures grew up, we could not bear it. Therefore, I recommend that we join the sea to enjoy the cool. Xiaoming accepted my advice immediately, then we put off our shoes and went to the sea.
by lines
Last Saturday, the weather was nice, with the sun shining brightly accompanied by a few clouds.
Xiaoming had invited me to participate with him in jogging, though I felt a little tired recently. Considering it was the first time Xiaoming had invited me, I had accepted constrainedly.
这句话需要比较小心表述一点：
小明邀请我去陪他跑步，虽然我最近有点累，但是因为这是小明第一次邀请我，我也勉强地接受了。这句话很长，但是要有时间线上的逻辑。第一个注意是时态先后，上来应该是过去式，然后后面才是过去完成时。 Xiaoming invited me to join him for a run, although I had been felt a bit tired, I accepted albeit reluctantly his invitation since it was the first time he had asked me. 第二注意是原因结果先后，先描述行为，最后说原因（他邀请我，（尽管）我很累，我不情愿地接受了，因为啥啥啥）
We would arrange to meet at the beach along the city street, as Xiaoming had mentioned before he loved the sea and beach the most. Moreover, it wasn't acutely hot at that time for our jogging.
这里应该有两种表述法，先结果->原因；先原因->结果，都是可以的，想突出谁，就把谁放在开始；
- along the city street是沙滩沿着街道旁边，位于城市的边缘使用the beach at the edge of the city (near the city)
- acutely 是一个非常正式的表达，敏锐的，剧烈的，非常突兀，应该使用too 就可以了，或者 it was still cool enough at that time. 我们来更正一下句子：
Xiaoming had mentioned before that he really likes the beach, so we agreed to meet at the beach on the outskirts of the city at 8.a.m, on Saturday. Moreover, it wouldn't be too hot at that time, perfect for running.还需要注意的是，这里有个非常好的时态使用，就是it wouldn't be xxx 过去将来时，站在过去对未来的推测，使用过去将来时。
On the Saturday at 7 o'clock, I got up early and put on some makeup. After picking a black T-shirt and a white shorts up, I locked my door and headed out to the beach.
这又是一系列的动作：
到了周六早上七点，我起的非常早，我简单的洗漱了一下，然后选择一个黑色的衬衫和白色的短裤，又从衣柜里面拿出一顶帽子，然后我就锁上我家的门前往沙滩了。表述一系列动作时候，在英语里需要明确有时间的先后，用连词承接。 洗漱： freshened up On Saturday morning at 7 a.m., I got up early, quickly freshened up, then chose a black shirt and white shorts, and grabbed a hat from my closet. After locking my door, I headed to the beach.
When I arrived at the beach, Xiaoming had been waiting for me. He then greeted me warmly.
不够强烈。需要表达的更为强烈： When I arrived, I saw that Xiaoming was already waiting for me, and he greeted me warmly.
Xiaoming wore a white T-shirt and gray shorts. A gray hat was on his head, which looked very cool.
描述状态，用过去进行时比较合适： He was wearing a white shirt and shorts with a gray hat, looking very refreshing.
After greeting for a while, we began to run along the beach.
After exchanging pleasantries, we started our run.
We talked about recent pieces of hot news while running.
While running, we discussed many of the latest hot news topics.
About half an hour later, we all felt a bit tired, so we intended to enjoy the cool under a tree behind us.
After about half an hour, we both felt tired. Luckily there was a tree ahead, so we decided to reset in its shade.
Xiaoming sat on the ground in the tree's shadow, while I decided to stand for a while to avoid sands gluing my shorts.
Xiaoming sat down on the ground, but I didn't want to sit because I was worried about getting sand on my clothes.
The sun rose gradually, and as temperatures grew up, we could not bear it.
As the sun rose higher, the temperature also started to increase.
Therefore, I recommend that we join the sea to enjoy the cool.
Feeling quite hot, I suggested we cool off by wading in the water at the beach's edge.
Xiaoming accepted my advice immediately, then we put off our shoes and went to the sea.
Xiaoming quickly agreed, and we took off our shoes and ran barefoot towards the sea.
chatgpt评价
你的英文作文已经非常好了，结构清晰，语言流畅。以下是一些小建议，可以让你的作文更加地道：
- 时间和介词的使用：
- 在"on the Saturday at 7 o'clock"中，更自然的表达是"on Saturday at 7 o'clock"。不需要定冠词"the"，因为你已经指定了具体的星期天（Saturday）。
- 表达习惯的调整：
- “participate with him in jogging”可以简化为“join him for a jog”或“go jogging with him”。这样的表达更加自然和口语化。
- “considering it was the first time Xiaoming had invited me, I had accepted constrainedly”可以改为“considering it was the first time Xiaoming had invited me, I accepted, albeit reluctantly”。这样的改写使句子更流畅，同时“albeit reluctantly”（尽管不情愿地）比“constrainedly”更常用。
- 小细节的改进：
- "put on some makeup"表达得很好，符合英语习惯。但如果你想让文章更加具体，可以考虑是否需要提及化妆对于故事情节的贡献。如果不是重要细节，也可以省略。
- “a white shorts”中的“a”应该去掉，因为“shorts”是复数形式，“white shorts”就足够了。
- 避免重复：
- 尽量避免在同一句子或相邻句子中重复单词。例如，“a gray hat was on his head, which looked very cool”中的“gray”与“Xiaoming wore a white T-shirt and gray shorts”重复。可以考虑用同义词或改变句子结构来避免这种情况。
- 提高准确性：
- 在描述温度上升的部分，“as temperatures grew up”可以改为“as the temperature rose”或“as it got warmer”，这样更自然和准确。
总的来说，你的写作基础很扎实。注意这些细节可以让你的英文表达更加精准和自然。继续保持这种练习，你的写作技能肯定会不断提高！
A story: Going running
上周六，天气非常的不错，晴空万里，天空中漂浮着几多云彩。小明邀请我去陪他跑步，虽然我最近有点累，但是因为这是小明第一次邀请我，我也勉强地接受了。小明曾经说他非常喜欢沙滩，所以我们约好在周六早上八点在城市边上的沙滩见面，而且那个时候还不算太热，刚好可以跑步。到了周六早上七点，我起的非常早，我简单的洗漱了一下，然后选择一个黑色的衬衫和白色的短裤，又从衣柜里面拿出一顶帽子，然后我就锁上我家的门前往沙滩了。等我到了沙滩，我看到小明已经在等我了，小明和我热情的打招呼。他今天穿了一件白色的衬衫和短裤，戴着一顶灰色和帽子，看起来很清爽的样子。寒暄了一阵之后，我们就开始跑步了。我们一边跑一边讨论了很多最近的热点新闻的话题。跑了大概半小时的时间，我们都觉得累了。刚好前面有一棵树，我们就打算在树荫下乘凉。小明坐在地上，但是我觉得沙滩会的我衣服粘上了沙子，所以我不打算坐下了。太阳渐渐升起来了，温度也逐步的升高。我们热的实在有点受不了。所以我提议可以在海滩边上踩踩水，这样会觉得凉快一些。小明很快就答应了，然后我们就脱了鞋子，光着脚跑向了海边。
By lines
上周六，天气非常的不错，晴空万里，天空中漂浮着几多云彩。 小明邀请我去陪他跑步，虽然我最近有点累，但是因为这是小明第一次邀请我，我也勉强地接受了。 小明曾经说他非常喜欢沙滩，所以我们约好在周六早上八点在城市边上的沙滩见面，而且那个时候还不算太热，刚好可以跑步。 到了周六早上七点，我起的非常早，我简单的洗漱了一下，然后选择一个黑色的衬衫和白色的短裤，又从衣柜里面拿出一顶帽子，然后我就锁上我家的门前往沙滩了。 等我到了沙滩，我看到小明已经在等我了，小明和我热情的打招呼。 他今天穿了一件白色的衬衫和短裤，戴着一顶灰色的帽子，看起来很清爽的样子。 寒暄了一阵之后，我们就开始跑步了。 我们一边跑一边讨论了很多最近的热点新闻的话题。 跑了大概半小时的时间，我们都觉得累了。 刚好前面有一棵树，我们就打算在树荫下乘凉。 小明坐在地上，但是我觉得沙滩会让我的衣服粘上了沙子，所以我不打算坐下。 太阳渐渐升起来了，温度也逐步的升高。 我们热的实在有点受不了。 所以我提议可以在海滩边上踩踩水，这样会觉得凉快一些。 小明很快就答应了，然后我们就脱了鞋子，光着脚跑向了海边。