I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And, as people do in these situations, They brought food.
Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. Of course, she didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder. She didn't have the time. But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. "Why not quite your job?" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms" "It would be so much less stressful" But this was not the case. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic. She was now forced to get her chicken from the fast-food restaurant. Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it. But she couldn't. She didn't have the time. "Stop it, stop it, stop it" "But mom." "No. You are going to behave today. I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And just so you know how serious I am." "What's that?" "Santa's cell-phone number." "How did you get that?" "I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa, and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?" "Ok. Let's get this over with."
Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich man. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal. Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot, however, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler. "If you talk to AI Mason at this thing, I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace." "Why not pin the receipt to my chest?" "He let me know how much he paid for his wife's convertible. Look, just work it into the conversation." "There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos." "Why not? At the Donahue party, everyone was talking mutual funds. You found a way to mentioned you slept with half the Yankee outfield." "I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation." "Hey, people are stating to stare. Can you keep your vocie down, please?" "Absolutely. We wouldn't want them think we've not happy."
Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking, and for making her own clothes, and for doing her own gardening, and for re-upholstering her own furniture. Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. Everyone, that is, except her own family. "Paul. Zachary. " "Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp. " "Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble." "It was no trouble at all. Now, the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests, but the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary. It's got rolls, muffins breakfast type things." "Thank you" "Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning. I know you're out of your minds with grief" "Yes, we are." "Of course, I will need the baskets back once you're done." "Of course!"
Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary. A year had passed since the divorce, Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life. Even one who would make fun of her cooking. "Mom, why would someone kill themselves?" "Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, they thin that's the only way to solve their problems." "Mrs. Young always seemed happy." "Yeah, sometimes people pretend to be one way, when they're totally different on the inside." "Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend always smiling and says nice things, but we know she's a bitch. " "I don't like that word, Julie. But, yeah, that's a great example." "What's going on? Sorry I'm late." "Hi Susan, Hey"
"So, what did Karl say when you confronted him?" "You'll love this, He said it doesn't mean anything. It was just sex! " "Ah, yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook." "Yeah, and then he got this zen look on his face and he said, you know, Susan, most men live lives of quiet desperation." "Please tell me you punched him" "No, I said, Really? And what do most women lead lives of noisy fulfillment?" "Hmm. Good for you!" "I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for brunch" "It's like my grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn't have a conscience." "Even the limp ones aren't that ethical" "This is half the reason I joined the NRA. Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences, I wanted it in the back of his mind that had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson." "Lynnie, Tom's always away on business. Do you ever worry he might?" "Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant three times in four years. I wish he was having sex with someone else." "So Susan, is he gonna stop seeing that woman?" "I don't know! I'm sorry guys, I just don't know how I'm gonna survive this. " "Listen to me, We all have moments of desperation. If we can face them head-on, that's when we'd find out how strong we really are." 09:47
I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And, as people do in these situations, They brought food.
Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. Of course, she didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder. She didn't have the time. But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. "Why not quite your job?" "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms" "It would be so much less stressful" But this was not the case. In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic. She was now forced to get her chicken from the fast-food restaurant. Lynette would've appreciated the irony if she'd thought about it. But she couldn't. She didn't have the time. "Stop it, stop it, stop it" "But mom." "No. You are going to behave today. I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And just so you know how serious I am." "What's that?" "Santa's cell-phone number." "How did you get that?" "I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa, and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?" "Ok. Let's get this over with."
Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella. Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich man. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal. Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot, however, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler. "If you talk to AI Mason at this thing, I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace." "Why not pin the receipt to my chest?" "He let me know how much he paid for his wife's convertible. Look, just work it into the conversation." "There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos." "Why not? At the Donahue party, everyone was talking mutual funds. You found a way to mentioned you slept with half the Yankee outfield." "I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation." "Hey, people are stating to stare. Can you keep your vocie down, please?" "Absolutely. We wouldn't want them think we've not happy."
Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking, and for making her own clothes, and for doing her own gardening, and for re-upholstering her own furniture. Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. Everyone, that is, except her own family. "Paul. Zachary. " "Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp. " "Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble." "It was no trouble at all. Now, the basket with the red ribbon is filled with desserts for your guests, but the one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary. It's got rolls, muffins breakfast type things." "Thank you" "Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning. I know you're out of your minds with grief" "Yes, we are." "Of course, I will need the baskets back once you're done." "Of course!"
Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary. A year had passed since the divorce, Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life. Even one who would make fun of her cooking. "Mom, why would someone kill themselves?" "Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, they thin that's the only way to solve their problems." "Mrs. Young always seemed happy." "Yeah, sometimes people pretend to be one way, when they're totally different on the inside." "Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend always smiling and says nice things, but we know she's a bitch. " "I don't like that word, Julie. But, yeah, that's a great example." "What's going on? Sorry I'm late." "Hi Susan, Hey"
"So, what did Karl say when you confronted him?" "You'll love this, He said it doesn't mean anything. It was just sex! " "Ah, yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook." "Yeah, and then he got this zen look on his face and he said, you know, Susan, most men live lives of quiet desperation." "Please tell me you punched him" "No, I said, Really? And what do most women lead lives of noisy fulfillment?" "Hmm. Good for you!" "I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for brunch" "It's like my grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn't have a conscience." "Even the limp ones aren't that ethical" "This is half the reason I joined the NRA. Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences, I wanted it in the back of his mind that had a loving wife at home with a loaded Smith & Wesson." "Lynnie, Tom's always away on business. Do you ever worry he might?" "Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant three times in four years. I wish he was having sex with someone else." "So Susan, is he gonna stop seeing that woman?" "I don't know! I'm sorry guys, I just don't know how I'm gonna survive this. " "Listen to me, We all have moments of desperation. If we can face them head-on, that's when we'd find out how strong we really are." 09:47