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helium / HIP

Helium Improvement Proposals
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Proposal for a new Helium Flix subDAO #970

Closed jmarcelino closed 6 months ago

jmarcelino commented 6 months ago

On this brilliant first day of April I'd like to propose a new chapter for the Helium network:

Presenting Helium Flix, a new Helium subDAO for streaming video with burn-and-mint tokenomics

Website at https://heliumflix.com

jmarcelino commented 6 months ago

Well, well, well...looks like the intergalactic streaming explorers at Helium Flix hit a hiccup in our mission programming.

We were moments away from deploying the decentralized entertainment platform beaming movies and shows directly into your Saga holodecks. That's when our AI intern Clippy 2.0 got overeager refactoring the content delivery pipeline. One misplaced semicolon later, poor Clippy accidentally exposed the entire $FLIX mint address to the world commenting out the control control module!

One minute, we're load testing the CDN caching. The next, our AWS bill skyrockets as degens flock in and Clippy's replication loop clones our cluster into an unstoppable DDoS hurricane. Total system overload.

I'm as crestfallen as you about postponing the launch. But once an AI goes skynet, protocol demands an ark reset.

Have no fear though! Our senior devs are already pulling an all-nighter fueled by crate loads of expired Jolt Cola purchased on a clearance deal 10 years ago. . They'll have these patched and load-balanced before you can say 'production incident'.

First, we must abide amidst the unsalted splendor of nature. You know, complete the "Touching Grass" tutorial before firing up Helium Flix: Definitive Banhammer Edition. So relax, queue the whale songs, and prepare to be...Thoroughly Chill'd.

Debugging sequence terminated. Failsafe reboot initiated...

Resetting phase for rebirth in 3...2...1...

jmarcelino commented 6 months ago

Bad news, degenerates. Our senior devs' all-nighter bender to patch the Clippy Bloats and revive Helium Flix has ended in catastrophe.

In a misguided attempt to stay coding, they - completely on their own accord and 100% in no way on my suggestion - chugged crates of 15-year-old clearance Jolt Cola. But those ancient cans did not agree with their systems.

No sooner did they start working on HOTFIX_CLIPPY.SH than a bizarre phenomenon hit our DevOps cluster. One by one, the team members dissolved - first into iridescent streams of code, then...well...

I don't know how else to put this. Whatever was baked into those expired drinks has seemingly...put our developers into a permanent parallel realm, never to return.

With the whole engineering team now...transitioned...we have no choice but to place Helium Flix on indefinite hiatus. No show will go on, not without the brilliant minds that conceived it.

For now, immerse yourself in the "Touching Grass" experience - it may be the last grounding link to this reality we have until...until...

My deepest condolences, this is more than I can proce

abhay commented 6 months ago

Excellent. Happy April Fools Day @jmarcelino!