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[EternalPillow]

Hi,

I casually landed on your blog and after reading some of your posts I thought of leaving a comment that maybe could help you a little bit. I collaborate in 7cups as a listener and I have some experience helping people who struggle with anxiety and depression. From what I've read, you are very focused on achievements and recognition which by themselves aren't bad things, but in your case, this makes you feel extremely unsatisfied and guilty when you are not progressing. So, to minimize these feelings, you sink yourself under a lot of activities to improve the rate of progress and success but at the same time, you add a lot of stress on your shoulders when you feel the need to stop or don't have the energy to continue.

The problem of relying on success and achievement to feel good is that the feeling doesn't last too long and the longer you are on the other spectre (feeling unsuccessful or not progressing), make those feelings more intensive. If you were a machine this wouldn't be a problem because you could be improving non-stop and you would be feeling good all the time but since you are a human being, you don't always have the same concentration or energy to deal with all the problems and activities that you want to do.

You should also be concerned about the mental image that you have of yourself in your mind and your "ideal" version of yourself. In my honest opinion, you are expecting a lot of yourself (be good and fast at data analysis, programming, web designing, etc.) and maybe you aren't recognizing all the great things you have already achieved (or giving them enough importance). Maybe you aren't aware of this, but from here you are giving the impression of being an incredible hard-working person, always eager to learn new things and brave enough to challenge yourself to improve :)

You are doing great by keeping a record of your feelings while doing all these activities, this is very helpful in order to understand better yourself and see in which situations or scenarios your depressive feelings are triggered. All this information can help you to react when you detect them approaching and do something to avoid them (in the best case) or minimize the damage. Also, another thing that you are doing great is to recognize publicly that you are depressed. It's a huge mistake not to recognize when one is depressed because you end up pretending in front of everybody to be fine, and that is incredibly harmful because not only you are feeling bad, but you are also adding a lot of stress to you to avoid letting others be aware of your depression.

There are some things that you can do to reduce the effect of those negative feelings in your life:

• Forgive yourself when you make a mistake, decide to take a day off or eat chocolate (which by the way is delicious and you shouldn't feel ever guilty about it ;D )

• Be aware of the present. Avoid thinking (as much as possible) how much time you have left for doing something, how little time you have to achieve anything (short and long term). You are here now, in this moment and the future is incredibly unexpected to use it to add stress on you.

• Talk about your feelings with people who support you. I've read that you are introverted and you don't recharge energy by talking with people or hanging out with them, but in this case is different. Talking about what worries you and seeing that there are many people in that situation, that there's nothing wrong with you and specially that there is hope at the end of the tunnel is an incredible source of relief.

• Practise sport frequently. Going jogging, walking in a park, swimming... all that provides you some benefits: 1) generates endorphins which improves your mood 2) makes you change your environment (if you spend a lot of time on the same place you end up feeling like a prisoner) and 3) makes you tired enough to sleep better at nights.

• If it wasn't clear with the previous point, going out is very important. Staying under the light of the sun, breathing fresh air... all that work wonders in your mood ;)

• Try to write down everyday your achievements, no matter how small they are (getting out of bed, even after 11 o'clock when you don't feel like getting up at all, is an achievement to be proud of :D)

And I think I'm not leaving anything behind. You are a very smart person and I'm sure that you were aware of many of these points, but I don't lose anything by sharing them to you, so here they are.

I hope you the best from now on. Keep being awesome!

PS. If you ever need someone to chat with and there isn't anyone available, don't hesitate to contact me on 7cups ;)

PS 2. For some reason disqus keep marking this message as spam, that's why I'm leaving it here. If it annoys you or anything I (or you) can remove it.

[huyingjie]

Thank you for your writing long and considerate message.

Problems mentioned are hard to solve, especially for focusing on goals or focusing on process.

• I tried forgiving myself sometimes. I am not sure whether I did it enough.

• It is not easy to focus the present because it is not pleasant.

• I talked.

• I do not like sports.

• Outside environment is good. But there are lots of people enjoying outside, too. Seeing the different mindsets with others is not a pleasant experience.

• I do it every day.

People seem to be misunderstood. When I complain something, it means I care about it. But people will think I do not like it and avoid the option.

Are you a therapist on 7cups? A CBT therapist? I tried several therapists in the past, and none of them have a long effect on me.

[EternalPillow]

I'm not a therapist, I volunteer in 7cups as a listener which means that I provide active listening and support without directly interfering in the decisions of the supported person, this means that I can't guide them through therapy. I've been providing this support since two years now and, due to this "active listening", I've been able to talk with several depressed people and detect different patterns. Things that I've had suggested to you have helped them to ease the effects of a depression. Of course my first recommendation is always to talk with a professional and follow his/her guidance.

Yes, I understand that these problems aren't easy to solve. Fighting against oneself must be one of the hardest things to do in life because it's something that only you can achieve, no matter how much people help you. If you think that there's no hope for you, then everything is in vain. That's why CBT therapy works with depressed people, because it makes patients to change the way they think and react about the different aspects of their lives.

About forgiveness, it's also difficult to find the right balance between being exigent with oneself without being a bully. For me, a rule of thumb is to always give a positive feedback after a critic, and it should work with oneself too.

When I referred to sports I meant movement in general. But not as an obligation to go from point A to point B, more as an enjoyable activity (a walk in a park, a ride with a bicycle next to a river...). Something to keep active your body. The intensity of it is up to you.

I would like to ask you more questions like if you could elaborate why your present is not pleasant, why the different mindsets of others make the experience of going out not pleasant, how much means to you to be misunderstood when you complain or if you have tried to get feedback to improve your communication with these people, but I'm not sure if you want to talk about those topics here.

Let me know what you think! take care!