implement ON DUPLICATE KEY UPDATE in new DML plan

[aunjgr]

What type of PR is this?

• [ ] API-change
• [ ] BUG
• [ ] Improvement
• [ ] Documentation
• [x] Feature
• [ ] Test and CI
• [x] Code Refactoring

Which issue(s) this PR fixes:

issue #17500 #19834 #18710

What this PR does / why we need it:

make the plan of INSERT ... ON DUPLICATE KEY UPDATE query single-step