I remember going to elementary school as a 3 year old with my mother, holding her two fingers with my harm. Pointing at the cross sign and asking what it meant. I remember the sign of the green man walking, that always meant we can cross the road....
And I blinked and now I am suppose to have a Job!
I'm old how the fuck did that happen? How did time go so fast with out me even noticing?
I feel like I have been stripped of my youth.
I feel so young inside I feel like a baby. But the world seems to think I'm an adult...
I can't be wearing a suit going to work like a big person. I can't do that shit I'm just a kid! For crying out loud.
I know nothing about everything. I need time so much time at least a few thousand years for me to actually be even a teenager.
I can't be a working class citizen I am just a babe a kid, a toddler, a boy, that doesn't know anything. Why does my body look as if its aged 24 years? While my soul and my spirit, still crave the days where I get to wait for my mom to come to school to take me home, wash me , make food for me, and tuck me into bed.
As a child I would see there big kids that look so cool and big so big and they would go to Collage do adult things, they would drink, dress like mature people, have girlfriends, act cool...
And I use to ask my self when I'm I ever going to be like there big kids...?
And boom turns out that time came and I was nothing like the kids I saw when I was a child.
I feel not like them, I seem unlike them, my life is nothing like the ones I saw with my eyes when I was a child.
Apparently , I have become a grown up and I didn't even know it yet, it hit me when one of the girls I was seeing said she might be pregnant. I felt a feeling that I never felt before something undescribable.....
The possibility and illusion of "Responsibility"
I was one of those kids for sure, big , drinking, fucking, smoking, looking, breathing, hating, and most of all....growing and I had no idea what I was doing...
As I was knee deep in pussy not fully realizing what I am doing and to whom I was doing it to.... I did so many other things like it as well I wasn't aware of my actions or what they meant or what they might bring..... I just did them....
The idea of actually growing the idea of being "An adult" a fully grown person responsible for all the choices I make and will make in the future scared the shit out of me....
What I'm I? What is time? What I'm I feeling? Where should I go from here ?
All questions that I have neglected to ask and know....
I use to fantasize about what a woman would look like, naked the way she would smell , look , taste, the way her pussy would be? The feeling of having my hands grab and squeeze a woman's ass... The feeling of being inside of a woman the movements I would make , the way I would act, think , do ..., feel.....
All things I consider old people do.... I did but didn't know I did until recently....
Words that were Esoteric to me
Saving
Loan
Parenthood
Job
Selling
Ends meat
Responsibility
Jail
Pregnancy
Beer
Drugs
Thieves
Death
Stroke
Accidents
Driving
Race
Politics
People
Society
........................................
All accumulated in the sweet smelling subconscious sac of adulthood that I thought I would never have come to face....
Was I asleep for 20 years ? Or is this what happens to everyone ?
The Fast and Peter-furious
I remember going to elementary school as a 3 year old with my mother, holding her two fingers with my harm. Pointing at the cross sign and asking what it meant. I remember the sign of the green man walking, that always meant we can cross the road.... And I blinked and now I am suppose to have a Job! I'm old how the fuck did that happen? How did time go so fast with out me even noticing? I feel like I have been stripped of my youth.
I feel so young inside I feel like a baby. But the world seems to think I'm an adult...
I can't be wearing a suit going to work like a big person. I can't do that shit I'm just a kid! For crying out loud. I know nothing about everything. I need time so much time at least a few thousand years for me to actually be even a teenager.
I can't be a working class citizen I am just a babe a kid, a toddler, a boy, that doesn't know anything. Why does my body look as if its aged 24 years? While my soul and my spirit, still crave the days where I get to wait for my mom to come to school to take me home, wash me , make food for me, and tuck me into bed.
As a child I would see there big kids that look so cool and big so big and they would go to Collage do adult things, they would drink, dress like mature people, have girlfriends, act cool... And I use to ask my self when I'm I ever going to be like there big kids...?
And boom turns out that time came and I was nothing like the kids I saw when I was a child. I feel not like them, I seem unlike them, my life is nothing like the ones I saw with my eyes when I was a child.
Apparently , I have become a grown up and I didn't even know it yet, it hit me when one of the girls I was seeing said she might be pregnant. I felt a feeling that I never felt before something undescribable..... The possibility and illusion of "Responsibility"
I was one of those kids for sure, big , drinking, fucking, smoking, looking, breathing, hating, and most of all....growing and I had no idea what I was doing... As I was knee deep in pussy not fully realizing what I am doing and to whom I was doing it to.... I did so many other things like it as well I wasn't aware of my actions or what they meant or what they might bring..... I just did them....
The idea of actually growing the idea of being "An adult" a fully grown person responsible for all the choices I make and will make in the future scared the shit out of me....
What I'm I? What is time? What I'm I feeling? Where should I go from here ? All questions that I have neglected to ask and know....
I use to fantasize about what a woman would look like, naked the way she would smell , look , taste, the way her pussy would be? The feeling of having my hands grab and squeeze a woman's ass... The feeling of being inside of a woman the movements I would make , the way I would act, think , do ..., feel..... All things I consider old people do.... I did but didn't know I did until recently....
Words that were Esoteric to me
Saving Loan Parenthood Job Selling Ends meat Responsibility Jail Pregnancy Beer Drugs Thieves Death Stroke Accidents Driving Race Politics People Society ........................................
All accumulated in the sweet smelling subconscious sac of adulthood that I thought I would never have come to face....
Was I asleep for 20 years ? Or is this what happens to everyone ?
@TechcrackJustey