Personal life

1950s

I was born as the third child of Abraham Simpson, and the first child of Mona Simpson on May 12, 1956. I was raised on the Simpson farm by my parents until they were forced to move out due to me spooking the cows by jumping out of a bale of hay and scaring them into giving sour milk. At some point during my childhood, Abe(my father) seemed to feed beer to me, but I quit drinking beer until I was older upon Barney's suggestion after I caused a multi-car pileup in my playschool car at school.

1960s

In 1960, I experimented to see if I can push fifteen crayons into my nose, which resulted in one being lodged into brain and being responsible for my current below-average intelligence. In the early 1960s, when I was between nine and twelve years of age, Mona went into hiding following a run-in with the law. However, before she started protesting, she took me and her husband to the Woodstock Music Festival, where I ended up briefly adopting the hippie lifestyle In 1966, I , along with Lenny, Carl, and Moe, went over to a deep gorge for a nice swim, but the water was drained. When investigating why the lake was reduced to a muddy pit, I stumbled upon a decomposing corpse inside the pipe, greatly traumatizing me and leading to my occasional overeating and fear of corpses.

1970s

I attended Springfield High School and fell in love with Marge Bouvier in 1974. After high school, we bought an apartment at Springfield Place. During this time, Marge received a letter accepting her into college. To pay for her tuition, Abe gave me a job at Simpson Lazer Tag. Along with Lou, Lenny, and Carl, I was also part of a barbershop quartet. When Marge became infatuated with her professor, we changed the band's name to Sadgasm, and they invented grunge music. Marge realized she really loves me, and she went back to me.

1980s

In 1979, Marge became pregnant with Bart. (After discovering this, I tore out half my hair.) At this time, I was working at Sir Putts-A-Lot, turning the crank spinning the windmill. We married in Shotgun Pete's 24 Hour Wedding Chapel, a small wedding chapel across the state line. And spent our wedding reception alone at a truck stop, before ending up at the Bouvier House, where we lived at the time. After failing to get a job at the newly built Nuclear Power Plant, I left Marge to find a job where I can support my family. I went to work at a taco restaurant called the Gulp 'n' Blow, until Marge found me and convinced to return home with her. As a result, I confronted Mr. Burns and secured a job at the Plant. Two years after Bart was born, Marge became pregnant with Lisa in 1981 (after discovering this, I tore out all but three strands of his hair), shortly before the couple brought their first house.

My second leap to stardom was success as the lead singer and songwriter for the barbershop quartet, the Be-Sharps. After the group broke up due to creative differences, I went back to Springfield to continue my old life. Some time in the late 1980s, I drew up a budget so I can work at my dream job, a pin monkey at Barney's Bowlarama. The budget included buying regular toilet paper and only one of the kids can go to college. Unfortunately for Homer, Marge became pregnant with Maggie in 1988, shortly after I started my new job, and, not being able to support my family, I went back to the Nuclear Plant. Since then I started many jobs, but ended up back where I began at the Nuclear Plant.

Job expirience

Artist
Astronaut
Bartender
Beer Baron
Body Guard
Professional Boxer
Butler
Celebrity Assistant
Chief of Police
Farmer
Hippie
Hairdresser
Krusty impersonator
Mall Santa
Mascot
Mayor
Opera singer
Pin Monkey
Safety Inspector
Sailor
Song Writer
Trucker

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