scorpiohw / Ficcon

A Project for Fiction.
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update #54

Open awacs opened 11 years ago

awacs commented 11 years ago

看看给点建议吧

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

等我回来的。现在要去首都图书馆退卡。回来给你建议。

awacs commented 11 years ago

ok

On Wed, Feb 27, 2013 at 12:24 AM, Scorpiohw notifications@github.comwrote:

等我回来的。现在要去首都图书馆退卡。回来给你建议。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14157773 .

May the Force be with you

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

只评价chapter0好了。 我对于你的第一个平行场景写法持保留态度。刚开始金暑明的段落很成功。我都已经迫不及待的看事情的后续发展了。你可好,这么快就把这条线中断了。。。开始了持剑日。写写持剑日打斗也是不错,但是你又引导了迷之三人。做为读者,我有种搞不清楚你到底要闹哪样的感觉?我十分怀疑从作品来看,你是不是思维混乱了。。。真没看出是一部精心构架的小说。这次的更改,我觉得挺失败的。 (个人意见)

awacs commented 11 years ago

maybe its because i haven't finished the chapter yet. the fighting part is only the background, the conversation is the main information. gchat?

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

只评价chapter0好了。

我对于你的第一个平行场景写法持保留态度。刚开始金暑明的段落很成功。我都已经迫不及待的看事情的后续发展了。你可好,这么快就把这条线中断了。。。开始了持剑日。写写持剑日打斗也是不错,但是你又引导了迷之三人。做为读者,我有种搞不清楚你到底要闹哪样的感觉?我十分怀疑从作品来看,你是不是思维混乱了。。。真没看出是一部精心构架的小说。这次的更改,我觉得挺失败的。 (个人意见)

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14182227 .

May the Force be with you

awacs commented 11 years ago

王欢我特别appreciate你挑刺这么直白!

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

只评价chapter0好了。

我对于你的第一个平行场景写法持保留态度。刚开始金暑明的段落很成功。我都已经迫不及待的看事情的后续发展了。你可好,这么快就把这条线中断了。。。开始了持剑日。写写持剑日打斗也是不错,但是你又引导了迷之三人。做为读者,我有种搞不清楚你到底要闹哪样的感觉?我十分怀疑从作品来看,你是不是思维混乱了。。。真没看出是一部精心构架的小说。这次的更改,我觉得挺失败的。 (个人意见)

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14182227 .

May the Force be with you

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

我需要确认一下。。这个是反话,还是正常向?

On Feb 28, 2013, at 7:15 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

王欢我特别appreciate你挑刺这么直白!

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

只评价chapter0好了。

我对于你的第一个平行场景写法持保留态度。刚开始金暑明的段落很成功。我都已经迫不及待的看事情的后续发展了。你可好,这么快就把这条线中断了。。。开始了持剑日。写写持剑日打斗也是不错,但是你又引导了迷之三人。做为读者,我有种搞不清楚你到底要闹哪样的感觉?我十分怀疑从作品来看,你是不是思维混乱了。。。真没看出是一部精心构架的小说。这次的更改,我觉得挺失败的。 (个人意见)

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14182227 .

May the Force be with you — Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

awacs commented 11 years ago

不是反话。。

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

我需要确认一下。。这个是反话,还是正常向?

On Feb 28, 2013, at 7:15 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

王欢我特别appreciate你挑刺这么直白!

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

只评价chapter0好了。

我对于你的第一个平行场景写法持保留态度。刚开始金暑明的段落很成功。我都已经迫不及待的看事情的后续发展了。你可好,这么快就把这条线中断了。。。开始了持剑日。写写持剑日打斗也是不错,但是你又引导了迷之三人。做为读者,我有种搞不清楚你到底要闹哪样的感觉?我十分怀疑从作品来看,你是不是思维混乱了。。。真没看出是一部精心构架的小说。这次的更改,我觉得挺失败的。

(个人意见)

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub< https://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14182227> .

May the Force be with you — Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14214428 .

May the Force be with you

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

okay,国内待多了,这方面有时候会意识到,但是分不太清楚。。 On Feb 28, 2013, at 11:21 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

不是反话。。

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

我需要确认一下。。这个是反话,还是正常向?

On Feb 28, 2013, at 7:15 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

王欢我特别appreciate你挑刺这么直白!

2013/2/27 Scorpiohw notifications@github.com

只评价chapter0好了。

我对于你的第一个平行场景写法持保留态度。刚开始金暑明的段落很成功。我都已经迫不及待的看事情的后续发展了。你可好,这么快就把这条线中断了。。。开始了持剑日。写写持剑日打斗也是不错,但是你又引导了迷之三人。做为读者,我有种搞不清楚你到底要闹哪样的感觉?我十分怀疑从作品来看,你是不是思维混乱了。。。真没看出是一部精心构架的小说。这次的更改,我觉得挺失败的。

(个人意见)

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub< https://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14182227> .

May the Force be with you — Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14214428 .

May the Force be with you — Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

awacs commented 11 years ago

我改了,你咋看看?

awacs commented 11 years ago

我尽量把无关的背景都删掉了,不过还是觉得删不多。

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

昨天的老问题依旧。 另外,如果你第二个scene的重点是对话的话,对于苍崎三太郎和王中孚的描写不应该那么多。感觉有些取舍不当。 同时,我还是觉得你这个场景电影的痕迹太重。做背景的二人打斗是电影化的处理。一秒钟闪现的片段,和文字的一段,一句,效果完全不同。我觉得这点上你需要继续揣摩。 On Feb 28, 2013, at 12:45 PM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

我改了,你咋看看?

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

awacs commented 11 years ago

恩。。你说的也是。。。你说如果打斗场景全无呢?

awacs commented 11 years ago

是不是好些。

awacs commented 11 years ago

gchat

awacs commented 11 years ago

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

awacs commented 11 years ago

咱们第一次试,何来娴熟?我就是想很保守的写,不在文笔上去想什么创新 On Mar 1, 2013 7:37 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14287327 .

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

就是给你提供一些参考资料,帮你开阔思路。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 8:39 PM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

咱们第一次试,何来娴熟?我就是想很保守的写,不在文笔上去想什么创新 On Mar 1, 2013 7:37 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14287327 .

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

awacs commented 11 years ago

谢啦 On Mar 1, 2013 8:31 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

就是给你提供一些参考资料,帮你开阔思路。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 8:39 PM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

咱们第一次试,何来娴熟?我就是想很保守的写,不在文笔上去想什么创新 On Mar 1, 2013 7:37 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub< https://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14287327> .

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14289273 .

awacs commented 11 years ago

我appreciate你介绍些高人作品给我开拓思路。不过,我现在毕竟是纯粹的菜鸟,线性都没有掌握,如果去搞非线性岂不一塌糊涂?我现在就是想,不去搞什么文学上的创新,安安心心得学会用用最传统的小说结构以及最朴实的手法,去写一个故事。那我希望你呢,就是拿一个很平常人的眼光去挑毛病~

On Fri, Mar 1, 2013 at 8:31 AM, Scorpiohw notifications@github.com wrote:

就是给你提供一些参考资料,帮你开阔思路。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 8:39 PM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

咱们第一次试,何来娴熟?我就是想很保守的写,不在文笔上去想什么创新 On Mar 1, 2013 7:37 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub< https://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14287327> .

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14289273 .

May the Force be with you

awacs commented 11 years ago

咱们可以讨论讨论这个,我用手机看完了五章 On Mar 1, 2013 7:37 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14287327 .

scorpiohw commented 11 years ago

okay,我先送小桃去考场。回来说。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 2, 2013, at 1:16 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

我appreciate你介绍些高人作品给我开拓思路。不过,我现在毕竟是纯粹的菜鸟,线性都没有掌握,如果去搞非线性岂不一塌糊涂?我现在就是想,不去搞什么文学上的创新,安安心心得学会用用最传统的小说结构以及最朴实的手法,去写一个故事。那我希望你呢,就是拿一个很平常人的眼光去挑毛病~

On Fri, Mar 1, 2013 at 8:31 AM, Scorpiohw notifications@github.com wrote:

就是给你提供一些参考资料,帮你开阔思路。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 8:39 PM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

咱们第一次试,何来娴熟?我就是想很保守的写,不在文笔上去想什么创新 On Mar 1, 2013 7:37 AM, "Scorpiohw" notifications@github.com wrote:

你去看看莫言,丰乳肥臀,前5章。简单粗暴令人发指,却又发人深省。小说无定法,关键看你把控是否娴熟。 非线性真的很有意思。

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 1, 2013, at 11:30 AM, awacs notifications@github.com wrote:

来。。。新一天的改进。。哦对了。。你在石家庄是吧。

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub< https://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14287327> .

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.

— Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHubhttps://github.com/scorpiohw/Ficcon/pull/54#issuecomment-14289273 .

May the Force be with you — Reply to this email directly or view it on GitHub.