stabbydemonhorses
commented
7 years ago Challenge is to leave this be for a week and come back to it & refine it before merging. Then refine more later, too.
Closed stabbydemonhorses closed 7 years ago
stabbydemonhorses
commented
7 years ago Challenge is to leave this be for a week and come back to it & refine it before merging. Then refine more later, too.
Not entirely happy with this. I like the events, but feel the writing is a bit sloppy.
I need to go back over this while concentrating on the emotions that I'm bringing out in the character right now.
I think the ending is a bit confusing, and the going "home" a bit too sappy. It would be better if she doesn't really think of her ship as home consciously (but definitely does so subconsciously). But saying gravity pulls her back to her ship is a bit too plain.
Also, I need to extend this a bit more, still. She needs to pass out. It's a thing she knows happens when she gets a head injury. She has a given amount of time.
There needs to be references to her running out of time. I basically forgot during the very last bit. Her episodes of dizziness, etc. should be getting worse.
The other benefit of these episodes is that I think it makes the reader (and me) more empathetic with her. The symptoms she's having are very similar to symptoms I have daily, though amplified a bit.