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Orange & Blue issue for Spring 2014 -- Energy
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Edit "muhamamd.draft.pdf" #15

Closed jrthieke closed 2 years ago

jrthieke commented 10 years ago

Bakr keeps his story in a PDF; edit from there.

mkreyes commented 10 years ago

Hi Bakr, First of all, I love the "punny" title. I think the idea for your infographic ties into our Off the Grid story really well. It's amazing to me that a coffee maker uses more energy than a TV. I never would've guessed. The only criticism I have for you is that you could make the appliances a bit more visually stimulating. The background and text colors you chose go together perfectly, but the appliances are all simple and gray. Maybe later when you add the other appliances, it will look a little more colorful. Other than that, you did a great job! :) @bakrmuhammad

jrthieke commented 10 years ago

Hey Bakr, I like the infographic. While my forte is more story editing, since I’m editing all of the individual stories I’ll throw in my two cents here and you can take it or leave it.

  1. I agree with Mary that colors are bit gray-ish; the background is really nice, so find some colors that would “pop” against it.
  2. What about dishwasher? Toaster? Microwave? Those are just as often, if not more so, used than the ones you currently have. I know space starts to become an issue at some point, but if you have more room, I’d give those a look as well. Note: I just read your other description, and you do plan on including more items; make sure those are ones you include.
  3. On the dryer, you list 1000 - 000 Watts. Probably a typo.
  4. I don’t know if the “pay the charge” line was an intended electricity pun or not; if it was, kudos, if not, say it was. Some other electricity puns you might consider: “items you should resist using,” “some current tips,” “get amped to save energy,” or even “which items in your ohm take the most energy” (ok, that one’s pushing it a bit). If you want to go in that direction of course. I have more, just ask.
  5. You say you have some tips to cut back; are those in another place, or are they forthcoming? Just listing the wattage of each appliance doesn’t really seem like advice. Note: you said they were forthcoming sidebars, just saw that.

All in all though, nice graphic. Now I don’t feel as bad leaving my TV on constantly (although I probably still should). Hope you continue fleshing this out; I think it’ll look nice in the magazine, especially with your house concept.