MihirSathe1
commented
6 years ago Thanks for the feedback, Jim. I thought to keep the discussion of better diagnosis there because it is a potential confounding variable, but adjusted my "End" section to state that we'll adjust for this in the analysis. I added a line in my "End" to address some changes that could be made (such as Youtube flagging certain accounts for parents) if the project is successful.
Summary: Study whether usage of online media causes (or at least correlates with) increased incidence of ADD/ADHD through longitudinal study of YouTube users.
Keep: The core idea of studying YouTube account usage is solid. Expand on this to delve more into how one would identify whether there was a consistent user viewing on a given account over time. Perhaps include sub-hypotheses on how each characteristic of viewing ("how many videos they watch per day, average time spent on one video, and average total screen time per day") might be expected to impact ADD/ADHD
Cut: The discussion of better diagnosis as a possible confounding factor. While this may be an important explanation of the increasing trend overall, if you are planning on studying users over the same time period (2006-now), they all ought to have been affected by this exogenous trend similarly so their viewing patterns would still be a reliable indicator.
Rearrange: I think your hypothesis should be at the end of your beginning section, and then your middle section should start off strongly with a succinct explanation of your proposed solution. As is, I am kind of left wondering what your proposal is until nearly halfway through the piece.
Add: More discussion of what outcomes you would hope for from a successful implementation of this project. Assuming a correlation is found, would you like phone use by children to be radically curtailed? Would you like to use internet usage as an early indicator for ADD/ADHD?