yunzhaol
commented
5 months ago Thank you so much for your careful review.
Best Yunzhao Li
发件人: sarahhhh02 @.> 发送时间: 2024年1月24日 17:56 收件人: yunzhaol/Toronto_Death_Registry @.> 抄送: Subscribed @.***> 主题: [yunzhaol/Toronto_Death_Registry] Peer review (Issue #1)
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Peer review for Toronto-Death-Registry
- Date error: The first thing I noticed when entering your pdf is the format of the date written. On the instructions, "date should be kept unambiguous (e.g. 2/3/2024 is ambiguous, 2 March 2024 is not)". You have written:
2024-01-22
However, it should be kept unambiguous, so it may be better to fix it as 22 January 2024 instead.
- Spelling/grammar error: Just a minor error in the abstract, you have written:
In Toronto, there are many people died each year. The data of death registry supports the City’s operational requirements and business functions. In this project we will make a table of number of death in Toronto for each month in 2023. By analyzing this, we can find months with high number of death and make conjectures with factors like weather, poicies or incidents of that particular month.
You spelled policies wrong. As for the grammatical errors, for instance consider: "In Toronto, there are many people who die each year.", and "...of the number of deaths..", and "...with a high number of deaths...".
- From the abstract as well, I noticed that you use the word project to lead the sentence. However in the instructions, it states that "there should be no sign this is a school paper". It may seem that by saying
In this project....
it can kind of seem as though its implying its for a school project. Maybe you can write for example, "In this paper.." instead.
- Title: The title should be more "descriptive, informative and specific" as the instructions says. Maybe you can add onto what the Toronto Death Registry is telling us. For example, you mention in your introduction how public resources, increase in per capita income, or social welfare take a toll on the number of deaths.
Your title: Toronto Death Registry
- In text citations: It seems as though your references.bib is already filled out with the sources used. You even mention throughout the text where you got the data from:
The data source in this study was obtained by opendatatoronto...
You should add the in text references, for example opendatatoronto (Gelfand 2020).
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### Peer review for Toronto-Death-Registry
However, it should be kept unambiguous, so it may be better to fix it as 22 January 2024 instead.
You spelled policies wrong. As for the grammatical errors, for instance consider: "In Toronto, there are many people who die each year.", and "...of the number of deaths..", and "...with a high number of deaths...".
it can kind of seem as though its implying its for a school project. Maybe you can write for example, "In this paper.." instead.
Title: The title should be more "descriptive, informative and specific" as the instructions says. Maybe you can add onto what the Toronto Death Registry is telling us. For example, you mention in your introduction how public resources, increase in per capita income, or social welfare take a toll on the number of deaths.
In text citations: It seems as though your references.bib is already filled out with the sources used. You even mention throughout the text where you got the data from:
You should add the in text references, for example opendatatoronto (Gelfand 2020).